LameRI | Keep Providence Lame, January 24th, 2012, by asshole1:
Providence named “most shameless city in procuring bogus awards” in national survey!
Ok, it’s happened again. Providence won another accolade, this time for being one of the top-10 best spots to visit after dark, largely because of waterfire. This places Providence among a group that includes the aurora borealis, Paris, viewing the night sky from Mauna Kea, and several other very cool sounding things. Smack in the middle of this list is waterfire. Yes, Waterfire. Really?? I mean, if I really want to see the East River on fire, I’ll just throw in a fucking match. I’ve seen the aurora borealis in full effect, and it’s a transcendent experience. I took enough standardized tests as a kid to be able to spot “one of these items does not fit” a mile away. Waterfire might be an amusing distraction. Once. By the time I had to take out-of-town visitors to see it for the second time, its charms had worn very thin.
And this is far from the first time this has happened. A few months ago, LaSalle Bakery (on Smith Street) was named “2011 National Retail Bakery of the Year” by “Modern Baking Magazine”. And if you go to the trouble of googling that “magazine” you’ll find that one of it’s primary functions is hosting an “application” to be named “retail bakery of the year.” This explains a lot, since LaSalle isn’t even the best bakery in Providence, and Seven Stars – miles ahead of LaSalle – is overrated when you compare it to similar places nationally. I started to fill out an application, but the form was broken on the following page, so I wasn’t able to tell whether there’s a monetary shake-down included. It’s entirely possible, however, that LaSalle just won because the publication is so half-ass that no real bakery would bother to apply.
And then there’s the whole Bob and Timmy’s fiasco, which another blog dissected handily.
A few things could be happening here. The authors of the articles/competitions could be paid shills for the establishments in question or the Providence tourism board. That seems likely in Richman’s case, because I can’t see any reason why a nationally recognized food critic and “douchebag” would even bother entering Bob and Timmy’s if he wasn’t paid to do so. The other option with these sorts of competitions is that the whole thing is rigged by some sort of shadow organization posing to be independent, but which is really just the creation of the organization that wants to win something. In such cases, it’s best not to go whole-hog and give yourself first place, because that would immediately expose the fraud. Instead, you pick a bunch of real very well respected entries and then try to slide yourself in inconspicuously around 4th or 5th.
With that in mind, I’m happy to announce that Lame Providence was named 4th best farcical/snotty/critical blog/website by the “American Society of Bloggers”! Here’s the full list:
1. Awkward Family Photos – awkwardfamilyphotos.com
2. Lamebook – www.lamebook.com
3. Natalie Dee – www.nataliedee.com
4. Keep Providence Lame – www.lameRI.org
5. Bike Snob NYC – bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com